“There is NO pillow so soft as a clear conscience.” French Proverb
Strong and healthy relationSHIPS should be comforting, encouraging and supportive. They should foster, promote and nurture an environment of trust, mutual respect, love, and communication. In relationSHIPS, a big part of communicating is Pillow Talk. Pillow talk is an intimate space where you freely share your innermost thoughts, desires, visions, fears, and secrets with your mate. While the relationSHIP is going strong, pillow talk is a very intimate experience. But, what happens when the relationSHIP wrecks? What happens to the information gathered through these private discussions?
Pillow talk thoughts are primarily shared through intimate and vulnerable moments during most relationSHIPS. So, when the relationSHIP ends, do you betray your ex’s confidence by discussing your pillow talk conversations with others? If so, why? What would be the motivation to share the secrets of someone that you once cared about? Is it anger? Is it retaliation? What is it?
Pillow talk moments are sacred and the status of the relationSHIP doesn’t negate that fact they are still sacred moments. The dilemma-to tell or not to tell-simply tests our integrity. Integrity means following our moral or ethical convictions and doing the right thing in ALL circumstances, even if no one is watching us. Having integrity means we are true to ourselves and we would do nothing that demeans or dishonors ourselves or someone we care (or cared) about. Which includes protecting someone else’s confidences, especially those shared through such an intimate act as pillow talk. Not sharing these pillow talk experiences keeps the confidences while maintaining and developing our personal integrity.
A few years ago, I dated my BFF’s cousin and throughout the relationSHIP, he made some not so kind statements about her family. I listened but knew my friends family well and knew his rants were inaccurate. But, it was OUR pillow talk conversations so I couldn’t utter a word. After we broke up, my BFF inquired about some of our pillow talk conversations, but I explained that I considered his pillow talk statements as confidential and would never share anything we discussed regardless of how we ended.
Eight years later and I never have. Sharing his pillow talk thoughts would have compromised my personal morals and values and NO one is worth compromising self on any level. Keeping other’s secret even when they don’t deserve loyalty is simply the right thing to do. Bottom line, pillow talk should remain on the pillow LONG after the relationship ends. So honor yourself and leave the pillow talk where it belongs……….on the pillow!!!
SHIP TALK: Are you keeping those secrets on the pillow or do you tell your friends? If so, why are you sharing?
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Well said.
I agree. It is not to be repeated
I keep “Pillow Talk” on the Pillow, simply because it’s the right thing to do and I wouldn’t want my ex-mate to betray my trust by telling ANYONE, things I’ve shared with them. A little bit more than just a secret. It could be dreams, aspirations, plans, ideas, and yes, secrets.
I get it, some people like to be the one to say “I already knew that about the person”. If I open up to you about me (confidentially), you should keep those conversations to yourself. I go to God first before telling anything to anyone, but we all need someone to talk to and not worry about it being told by someone else. Trust is a huge word, just as Love is also huge.
Keep pillow talk on the pillow, no matter what the status of your relationship is. It could be YOUR most intimate conversations shared by others, just think of how you would feel if your secrets weren’t left on the pillow as you would expect them to be!